The Land of Ass Steroids

On my first day in the Latin American concrete jungle I currently reside in, I went on a search to find a gym. With limited Spanish and a horrific sense of direction, this proved to be no small task. I spent what constituted a majority of my afternoon roaming the streets, taking taxis, and speaking broken Spanglish to people who were not fond of me.

Finally, I was able to figure out where three different gyms were located within a 20-minute walk of my Airbnb apartment. I decided to check out what was seemingly the nicest one first. 

The Search

As I walked into the modern gym in the middle of the concrete jungle, I immediately noticed the striking similarities to all the upscale gyms in the United States. A supplement shop, yoga studio, cross-fit area, brand new weights, and much more created a vibe of familiarity for me. I wanted to join immediately…

But, the upscale gym was expensive. After being told the gym would cost $165 for five weeks, I attempted to haggle in Spanglish. My efforts proved worthless in getting the price down, but I did grab a guest pass for the day.

After a great lift at the upscale gym, I grabbed a protein shake and continued my search. The only other two options I had found were a ghetto gym under a parking garage that was a three-minute walk from my place and the local university fitness center.

The Ghetto Gym

I decided to try the ghetto gym first. The university was a 20-minute walk from my place and while most likely nicer than the ghetto gym, a three-minute walk sounded preferable. As I strolled into the ghetto gym around six in the evening the large concrete box was packed with around 100 people. Not a window in site, but the gym was filled to the brim with swole dudes.

As I made my way to the front desk I could feel eyes staring at me from all angles. The size of these men combined with their consistent mean muggin’ caused my adrenaline to skyrocket. Feeling like a complete and utter bitch I attempted to glance around the gym for squat racks, bench presses, and pull up bars while avoiding eye contact with anyone who could deliver bodily harm to me with ease. The gym had everything I would need to stay in shape.

Nerves began to creep in as I used my broken Spanish to find out how much a five-week membership would be. As I spoke to the owner to get my membership sorted out, I started to calm down. The owner was a friendly mid-forties man with a calm disposition. Still the fact that I was prey, not a predator in this gym left me feeling queasy.

After signing up for the month, I attempted to find out if mornings were a bit slower. The owner said yes and I headed out of the concrete box back into the concrete jungle.

My First “Ass” Sighting

The next morning while struggling through a solid hangover I made my way to the ghetto gym I had just joined. Arriving around 10:30 in the morning there may have been 20 people working out. It was perfect. I signed in while making brief small talk with the owner. Then I got to work.

Foam rolling followed by a bit of jumping rope before hitting the squat rack. I was on my fourth set of squats when I caught a glimpse of ass in the mirror. I made a quick note of said ass and continued my set. After racking the bar I turned around and my eyes quickly darted to that ass, but this was not a normal ass…

I am not sure how to describe said ass with words. My jaw immediately dropped to the floor. I couldn’t look away. The girl with said ass knew of her asset and was wearing a pair of yoga pants with the crazy designs on them. The ones that highlight the ass perfectly while creating a puzzle that confuses on looking perverts like me into staring for an inordinate amount of time. The guy working out next to me noticed my amazement and started laughing. He mumbled something in Spanish that I didn’t understand, but I’m sure it was quite perverted.

I finally was able to reconcile my thoughts and get back to my workout. I wrapped up squats and begin to hit pull ups hard when I saw a group of women walk in and greet the ass girl. There were around ten women varying in ages, most of them between 24-36 I would guess. As they made their way toward the squat area I noticed they all had similar assets to ass girl. Again, my jaw dropped…

The Ass Steroid Girls

To say there was “ass for days” would be an understatement. This group of women had more ass combined than I had seen in my life. The hip-to-waist ratio in the gym almost brought a tear to my eye. The waists on these women were tiny. With a bit of effort, I suspect I could wrap my hands completely around a few of their waists. Yet, each and every one of them had an ass like Nicki Minaj on steroids. I couldn’t decide if I was aroused or disgusted, but I could not stop starring. I finally regained a bit of focus and finished up my workout.

As I walked home I contemplated how gravity could allow such things to happen in nature. I came to the conclusion that gravity cannot allow ass like that. The only way asses like that are created is through implants or ass steroids. I wasn’t sure which one it was, but I was determined to find out.

Working Out in the Land of Ass Steroids

The next day I went back to the ghetto gym at the same time in the morning. I had to see if the ass was an anomaly or if I was working out in the land of ass steroids. I walked in and I quickly found the answer to my question. The ass steroid girls were back in the building. Some of them were the same girls from my first day and some of them were women I had never seen before, but… 

They all had that ass!

As I worked out I kept a keen eye on the group. Not in a creepy manner, but in an investigative manner. I had to know if all these women had ass implants or did they have some type of secret ass workout. During my hour or so workout, I kept tabs on their lifts. They did no upper body. They did no abs. They did no calves. They did no cardio. They only lifted their ass. In total the group did 12 different ass exercises of varying difficulty.

It was confirmed. I was working out in the land of ass steroids. My conclusion was further confirmed when I watched a few in the group squat. Now these women do not look like body building chicks from the United States as their upper bodies are tiny and they are certainly not ripped. They are seemingly thin and feminine except for the insane ass. I say this because…

These women can squat as much as I can.

During the end of my workout I glanced over at the group and saw 225 lbs. on the bar. Shocking, but I figured it was maybe their max set. One of the younger girls who probably weighed around 125 pounds of which 100 was in her ass got under the bar. She lifted the weight and proceed to execute a perfectly formed deep squat, and then another, and then another…

She hit 10 reps with 225 lbs. on the bar like it was nothing. The next chick walked up to the rack and did the same. I immediately wrapped up my workout and left. Watching the ass steroid girls squat bruised my ego…

It’s Not Right

Those asses are not implants. Those asses are not natural. Those are asses developed by injecting some type of steroid directly into your ass.

And while working out in the land of ass steroids can be slightly intimidating, there are positives. The ass steroid girls are there every day and I haven’t put less than 225 lbs. on the squat rack after what I witnessed.

I still haven’t decided if I’m aroused or disgusted…

Originally created to help men get more cute chicks through online dating, this blog has evolved. Back in the day, I found it insanely difficult to find a lick of decent online dating advice for men online. So I decided to figure shit out on my own. And then I wrote about it. Instead of only dropping online dating advice, I’ve found myself learning more and more about travel, health and fitness – along with online dating.


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