Congratulations, my man. You have successfully used Tinder or some other website to land yourself a first date with the hottie of your dreams. Or at least, a girl that’s good looking enough. Okay, the first chick to agree to a date with you, but still!
This is the first time you’ve applied this “game” and “red pill” stuff before, you didn’t actually think it would work, but holy shit here we are: Shaving and getting ready to go on that first date.
Except, now what do you do?
A lot of guys go in to first dates and they aren’t quite sure what to do. There is a lot of information online about how to handle a first date, and what you should do, and most of it is garbage. It is either way over simplified (just be yourself! Right, except if that shit worked you wouldn’t be googling around, would you?) or way too complicated to try and remember on your first date.
So I am going to try and walk a road right down the middle with you. I am going to explain concepts to you that you should keep in mind, and give you examples, but truly in the end it is the idea and not the specific action that matters – because the idea is what shapes your execution, you understand?
You need to understand what your goals are for a first date: Are you just trying to bang her, or do you want a girlfriend? There are a lot of specific pieces of advice depending on what goal you have in mind with a date, and I can’t cover all of it here, but I can give you advice that applies regardless.
First Date: Let your value shine!
With any first date, your goal should be to display a level of high value to the girl you’re taking out. By display high value, I mean show her that you are a guy that she should consider as a viable sexual option. Regardless of your goals, if you don’t make her tingle she won’t want you.
The human ‘lizard brain’, as it were, is still stuck in a cave, flipping it’s shit over the wheel. We all have this instinctive, base level, that hasn’t evolved much beyond tribal humanity. It guides us. You need to get hers to guide her crotch to yours, understand?
You have to understand that sex is inherently risky to women, on a genetic level. Before modern medicine, childbirth had a 47% fatality rate for the mother, which is significant. If childbirth carries that high of a chance of death, then she needs to be sure (on an instinctive level) that the child you give her will carry on her genes should she die giving birth.
You prove this by displaying high value.
Displaying High Value on a First Date
How can you display high value on a first date? The first and most obvious thing, in my mind, is conversation. If you prove to be a deep thinker, well read, and intelligent, you will display higher value. You are clearly a man who takes himself seriously. That’s the idea. The execution of that idea is actually very simple: Don’t talk much. Let her talk. She knows how to talk and she wants to talk.
I’m not saying don’t talk at all. You’ll need to talk to encourage her to talk, you’ll need to laugh at her jokes, you will need to be personable and friendly – but you don’t need to be talkative. The more you talk, the more likely you’re going to say something stupid. Trust me.
If you do feel the need to talk at length about a subject with her, make sure it is something you understand thoroughly, and something that you’ve already gauged her opinion on. Avoid politics, religion, and your job at all costs. If she starts talking about politics or religion, playfully put a finger over her lips and say, “shh, don’t ruin the moment.” Smile, and change the subject.
The next is posture and body language. Make sure you take her some place where you can sit next to her, not across from her. If she says something you like, turn yourself slightly towards her. If she says something you don’t like, turn yourself slightly away. Make eye contact with her when you speak, appear slightly distracted when she speaks.
Lean back in your chair, keep your arms low and open (away from your chest and stomach – these are defensive guarding postures). Keep your legs spread, too. Show off that package! Your nuts contain the very seeds of life! You should be proud of that shit, homie. Make sure to keep your chin up, don’t slouch when you stand, things like that. Look and act like the alpha male boss that you are!
How to score that First Date Kiss!
We’ve all seen the videos and pictures of the guy who brings the girl home after what (he thinks) is a good first date, goes for the kiss, and ends up getting rejected like a chump.
It is truly a fate worse than death, getting rejected like that on a first date. So how do you avoid it? The answer lies in something we call “kino escalation”. This is one of those things you wrote off as a bullshit “PUA” technique that probably doesn’t work. Except it isn’t, and it does. Kino Escalation is the idea that she won’t let you jump straight to kissing her if she isn’t willing to hold your hand – likewise, she won’t sleep with you if you can’t even get her to kiss you.
Kino Escalation means you have to build up physical contact. The rule here is: Kino early, kino often. Within the first 10 seconds of meeting her you should be touching her. Do the European thing when you meet her and give her a light embrace and kiss on the cheek. Be warm and friendly about it (ProTip: Don’t wear a MyLittlePony T-shirt).
From there, make sure you touch her shoulder, her arm, her hand, for varying intervals of time. Always start touching her when you’re talking, and leave your hand where it is after you’re done talking for as long as you feel she’ll let you. After 15 to 20 minutes (no lie), you should have your arm around her hips, or your hand in her back pocket – she should be hanging on you.
If you want a detailed post on kino, I might be able to come back one day and write one up for you, but for now just know that if you don’t initiate physical contact early on in the date, and build it up, she will never kiss you or sleep with you at the end of the date. If you’re trying to bang her, touch a lot and touch often, and try and kiss her about the middle of the date.
Otherwise, you can slow it down a bit. I made out with my wife on our first date and didn’t “seal the deal” until our second. This goes against the grain, I know, but depending on your goals it is acceptable to slow things down a bit from time to time – just don’t slow it down too much.
You should be ready for your first date!
That’s it! Just keep these points in mind, and you should knock that first date out of the park! So in summary:
- Be interesting and mysterious.
- Don’t be talkative.
- Be relaxed and confident in your posture.
- Be friendly and warm.
- Don’t be afraid to initiate physical contact (touch early, touch often).
You might not get all of this down on your first date. In fact, you might blow it. That’s okay! It is a process we call “calibration”. With your online profile you have to test and retest what descriptions and pictures work best for you and your area, right? Same thing in real life. You’ll need a few first dates to test and retest how often and how much to touch a girl, what to talk about, how to display confidence through posture – it all takes practice. Don’t be bummed out if you aren’t Casanova after a date or two. Just give it time and keep practicing and you’ll be a first date champion!
Remy Sheppard is the author of Conquering Your Life – a resource for men looking to improve every aspect of their lives. He spent several years as a pick-up coach and blogger and bedded many a freaky college chick before settling down with his wife. You should follow him on twitter and check out his website.